Orient Express







Sunday, January 18, 2015
Alone in a crowd at 4:58 AM

it's a terrible feeling.

Sometimes, the more you try and fix things or the more effort you put in places you at a disadvantage.

I am thinking of where else i can cut myself in places where people wont notice but i can get a decent stream from.

It's difficult how timid and trapped i feel even in a relationship. Whenever i try to speak about my feelings its in one ear and out the other. Intentional? Probably not. Still feels scared.



Comments:
i thought you were satisfied with the relationship you had with your lover and he doesn't need to worry about your problems, if you're talking to him/her shouldn't they be responding? if you can't rely on them maybe you should talk to someone who can relate to you. friends or something?
 
I'm isolated. My mum checks on me every day. My friends are a good trek away. I dont think i should be alive if i cant make it on my own
 
do you live with your mum?
i'm sure you can make it on your own but that doesn't mean you can't help yourself by talking with other people right? i don't know sometimes it helps for me but the majority of the time i want to be alone.
 
I am not sure if i want to be alone or not. I seem to have a certain threshold I can't cross in order to become good friends with others. My mum is overseas and extremely worried. I cried for a long time today. I just watched a random episode of "Love Child" on tv and now im crying again. I hope i don't become psychotic.
 
watch something better than depressing things on tv. it'll help if you're not throwing yourself into worse things. you won't become psychotic if you stay level headed jenny. think about good things in your life and forget the worse parts.. maybe listen to some nice relaxing music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_1aF54DO60


 
that's a depressing song. i'm going to cut myself a bit, this is a bad night
 
... you never liked lana del ray? sorry.
 

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