Orient Express







Monday, May 14, 2012
Tears at 4:18 PM

What does it mean when you try and cope and battle on through reality, you try your best to regulate thoughts, implement strategies to get by well, but things still manage to get to you when your defences are completely down...i.e. when you are asleep.

I just wanted a good nights sleep. I didn't want to be shouting and crying and feeling helpless and lost and then wake up to feel the exact same way. Now I feel like it is really hard to cope again. I try extremely hard to remind myself that no matter what I must cope, I must carry on by myself, I must be the one who pulls myself back upright, and not succumb to bad, destructive habits.

There is only a singular direction to move, and that is forward. I really hope that I find the strength within myself to push myself out of this rut and survive well. If I can get through this all on my own, I am sure I can handle a lot more in the future, whatever may come. In the end, I must survive...but for now, let me cry.



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