Saturday, January 21, 2012The Sweet Escape. at 6:31 AM
It's hard to plan ahead when you're young how your life will pan out maybe 10 years into the future...the disconcerting thing is that I don't know what might happen even a year from now. I'd like to think I'm on the right track, but even that I'm not 100% sure. It doesn't really feel like an adventure for me. It just seems like the higher the chance of deviation or the occurrence of an unexpected event, the more trouble I might get into with myself.
Maybe it's because I am still adjusting with my independent environment, but it seems like it's really hard to get a good hold of that feeling I had when everything felt stable and secure. I would like myself to feel stronger but more often than not I realize how hopeless and faraway I am from being truly independent. I know my circumstances calls for those desirable qualities that I should have by now, but I keep forgetting how weak individuals can be without even realising it themselves.
It's really easy to beat around the bush, hiding from the truth, from funnily enough, yourself, just to try and forget about what is the real reason that's really bugging you. It goes to the point where one can't even see what's the real truth anymore. One might forget the real reason they even do anything in the first place...all I know is, whenever doubt appears, the solution seems to be....
...or to put it more accurately, an escape....
Hmm...I doubt that's very good management of my insecurities.
I think going on an escapade gives you an exhilarating freedom and a thrilling sense of hope. It's like the high of a drug but you can't exactly put the ecstasy you feel into words that seem understandable.
I don't even know what I'm writing about anymore...this was pointless.
Saturday, January 14, 2012it's always a bad ending at 11:04 AM
So it's always been the same story. The grass is greener on the other side? So what if it really is?
The truth is that we probably all strive to find that greener turf without knowing which road to cross and end up dodging all sorts of dangerous traffic and might even get a few sprains and broken bones in the process. Is that lush green field worth it in the end? Maybe the ones who do end up happy in the end are the ones with the most broken bones and we should pity the ones who will never know.
I like to console myself that i'd rather be a broken happy girl than a stupid one. It doesn't really matter how many times I run away or make stupid mistakes, be hated against...i personally think the happiness of life comes from knowing and believing that we can always try and achieve some sort of prize. Without that to string us along in life, I don't think I can even live on...
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