Orient Express

Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Resolutions? Or Life Ambitions...(i should be ashamed) at 9:22 AM

I think, for myself to not succumb to depressed thoughts and isolation, I need to try and find different means of establishing myself in this world. I think this is an inevitable endeavour for everyone who lives in some sort of microcosm of the world. I've attempted various means of getting acknowledgement, but I think the easiest way to do so is to lock myself away and excel in whatever I should be doing. Yes, it's noone's fault that some people are rude or hurtful, but perhaps it is better to simply give up on trying to impress or get acknowledged by those who will probably never want to be on the same wavelength as you, and gain respect in a field that you are most likely to achieve success in. Am I referring to locking oneself away from the crudeness of society and becoming a book/lab/whatever-worm? Maybe. I never know exactly what the fuck is the most ideal way to live a hurt-free, least anxious life, but I am trying all sorts of things.

Latest attempt/s to feel acknowledged in this big, ruthless, lonely world:
Finishing off my unfinished business on fanfiction.net
5 years ago, I felt the usual urge to write something and post it online. So I did. And I never finished. It was always on a cliffhanger too. I loved the reviews that I got since it made me feel useful and appreciated, and like a part of me was giving joy and excitement to others. The ability to spark such enthusiasm because of what I did/created was in essence, magical. I recalled that during my boring lengthy overseas stay, so I made up my mind to finish what I started and relinquish the thirst of people who still commented and asked me to update even after 4 years.

Although I felt really compared in the gyms back in Aus, since they had all these people from my age to mid 40's running/sprinting for over 2 hours and such, the gym under my apartment complex where I am living at the moment has heaps of people like me come to get fit =]. It makes me feel more inclined to regularly go and work up a sweat. Yes, excuses, but who cares when it works for me hoho. Basically, I'm attempting to make a realistic goal for myself to get fit and toned and lose those 5~7 kilos I've always wanted to get rid of. If that doesn't earn some self-satisfaction points, then I'm truly doomed!

Although it's not really related, I'm currently attempting to bring life back into my hair via home made hair treatment I call mayonnaise. Grossed out yet? It's some weird remedy my mum told me of, but desperate times call for desperate measures as I do not have $80 to pay for my favourite option. I will update after a period of usage if mayo-squintense actually works.


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